Wednesday, 16 July 2014
Small Update, which actually turned into a long one!!
Hi pretty people!!
I just wanted to check in and say hello as I realised today that its been almost a week since I posted anything. I really don't want to be one of those blog people that only post things once a month, especially when I actually have time on my hands!
So a few things have been going on. Probably the most important issue has been an addition to my medication. Generally, I am on 20mg of Lexapro a day to help control my depression and anxiety. I have tried coming off this medication before and trying other tablets, but so far this has been the most successful one for me. I have no medical training and can only speak about my own experiences but I will leave links to details on it down below. However, my anxiety was still a huge problem. When I went back for my first review appointment after leaving hospital I discussed how bad things had been with my team; at one point I couldn't leave the house for a week and shook badly every time I did leave the house in general, I couldn't eat in public and so on, so it was not much of a quality of life. Despite my previous negative experiences with the drug my team asked me to try Lyrica, again I will leave links below to the details of the drug. Unsurprisingly, I was very nervous taking it, as I had had problems with it before, but my team explained to me these were probably caused by the cocktail of drugs I was on, and also how the drug had been prescribed for me, i.e. I should have been put on it at a much slower pace.
So this initially started at 50mg a day, and we increased the dose slowly over a month, until I was taking 200mg a day. I personally feel they have made a huge improvement when it comes to my anxiety. They have allowed me to say yes to things which may have frightened me previously and I would not even of attempted to do. When I was going through the first few days of the dose increase I did feel slightly sleepy but this stopped, and other wise I have had no side effects at all. I think with Lyrica you may not even notice the effects yourself but people around me have defiantly mentioned the difference to me.
Monday of this week I had to travel to Dublin to see my team to review how I was getting on with the medication. I had been to a 21st birthday party Saturday and was too tired to travel Sunday, which meant travelling up really early to Dublin Monday morning. I know some of my triggers for causing me problems and setting me back and lack of sleep is number one on the list! So I got up at 6am Monday morning, travelled for about four hours to see my team, saw two friends and eventually arrived home that night at 10.30pm after another four hours of travelling. Now, for people who are well travelled or don't suffer with tiredness that might be fine. However I am still shattered now and its Wednesday evening. Also my team decided to raise my dose again of the Lyrica but this time by 100mg a day, which is a much faster increase than I am used to. I'm back to taking naps during the day and because there's also a virus going around our house I feel utterly crap at the moment. I don't think crap is a medical term but it's defiantly a human term everyone can understand!
Also I have officially decided to go back to college. This was a huge decision for me because even though I really want to go back, I'm very nervous about doing it and I know right now I'm not ready to go back and I am really hoping I wont feel that way come September. Also most of the people I know have graduated (which in some cases is GREAT!), and my best friend in college and all her lovely friends are going abroad (I'll miss you Zoe!) so really I'll know no one, which is pretty nerve-wracking. I worry sometimes too I won't be able for the course after being away for a year coupled with the fact it's my final year and so much depends on it. In life though you have to look for the positives, and my college have been very supportive (go D.C.U!) and I'm hoping to make new friends and trying to look at it all as a fresh start:) I think a lot of students go through these worries, and hopefully I won't have to face them alone.
Recently, there have been people in my life that deep down I have known all along were not the type of people I really wanted to be friends with, but because I didn't have a whole load of company my judgement was impaired. These people have dragged me down, made me feel unworthy, lied to me (but apparently with good reason!) and greatly upset me, despite never meaning to. They're clingy and when they came to visit my home house I had to speak to them about how they treated my parents, never a good thing!! If you follow me on Instagram you will have seen my rant about this which put all the anger and frustration I feel into words. I have been trying to distance myself from these people, but because at times I am too soft for my own good I am struggling with the situation still and it is taking a lot out of me. I'll keep you updated....
I suppose really what I'm trying to say is that I am shattered. I still love, love doing this blog, and it means the world to me to think people have read it, I have just been so tired recently and every time I went to the computer to write something, I just couldn't even think, and I did not want to write crap for the sake of it. Though I'm not sure this isn't what I've done now! I just wanted to explain to people things have been tough. I guess as well to remind people that mental health is a tough topic, and when you suffer with it every day tasks can become huge issues. If there is someone in your life like that remind to be patient with them and to support them as much as possible. Heck, be patient with everyone and support them!
I don't know if people will read this, and a massive thank you to those that do:) I have quite a few beauty reviews coming so looking forward to seeing you all for those.
Much love and hugs! x