My five days without a phone...

Hi pretty people!


      If anyone follows me on twitter or instagram, first of all thank you, and second of all, you will of noticed that on Christmas eve I turned off my phone until new years eve. Five full days. 

     There are countless studies done and articles written about how checking your e-mails less will make you happier, how we are addicted to our phones, how we need to ‘detox from technology’ and cut back on how much we use and depend on it for the benefit of our mental health.  

 During my first stay in St Pats Hospital there was no wi-fi, and I thought I’d become totally detached from the world. But it turned out to be a huge eye opener. Yes it was odd for the first while, I didn’t know what to do with my newly discovered free time, and I swear, the repetitive strain injury in my thumb from ‘sliding to unlock’ healed right up!

    But it also gave me a huge sense of freedom and peace. There was no panic when it came to replying to emails or texts, I didn’t jump every time it beeped, I even noticed I stopped bringing it to the table at meal times. I also began to notice how everyone else was, more often than not on their phone, and how stressed people were as a result. 

    Fast forward a year, and I’m feeling the stress in college at the moment and notice I’m reaching for my phone as a reflex, an outlet for my nervous energy. The irony of it is though is its probably making it worse.  Ironically enough I realised how much I depended on my phone as one evening I couldn't think of anything to do when my mam was using my phone to watch a movie. I was reading an article in Vogue, which I'd had for a few weeks, but had never gotten around to looking at it. The article was about people who were becoming socially unbearable from over use of their phones, and were so busy recording their lives and tweeting their every move they forgot to actually live life.

    I wanted to do some good (how cliche!) for other people's mental health, as well as my own. I'm connected with a charity Walk in my Shoes, which raises awareness of  the issues surrounding young people's mental health. I asked people to make a donation as a sort of 'sponsorship' and to help raise funds and awareness. 

     For the first day, I kept thinking in terms of tweets rather than thoughts, which simply reinforced how much I needed the detox in my mind!I didn't actually miss it much, but I was sick with a kidney infection and panned on the couch, so I'm not sure if that counts. On Christmas Day, I was thinking about how I would fashion my photos of my presents, rather than taking the time to appreciate what I'd gotten and the wonderful family around me. It continued to strike me how much my life, even though I thought I didn't buy into social media, revolved around it. I usually sleep with my phone under my pillow to use the app Sleep Cycle, and listen to rain or something to put me to sleep, but I actually found I slept better in the silence, and don't need anything to help me drift off. Now my phone is at the other side of my room on silent with a regular alarm; and I never use it while in bed.

    I was noticing other things too. My eyes didn't burn, and my folks commented on how they looked brighter. I also noticed I'd more time to, well do stuff. I read a book that I bought and left sitting on my shelf for months. I watched movies properly instead of half watching them, half watching my phone. After two days I found my concentration improved and I didn't have such stiff neck. I was more inclined to take an interest in things around me, and bought loads of books for the first time in ages:) 

    By the time day five was coming up, I wasn't actually looking forward to switching on my phone again. I missed my Yoga Studio app and my Head Space app, but now I don't take them for granted and use them every day. 

 Turning your phone off is good for your mental health!!

End of.

I have found myself slipping back to old habits, but I'm more aware of it now. I try to avoid bringing the phone around the house with me and will not bring it to the dinner table. 

I would definitely definitely recommend that everyone, even just for a few evenings a week, put the phone on flight mode, or just turn it off. With more hotels, such as The Westin in Dublin, doing technology free Wellbeing Weekends, technology detoxing will become more popular and fashionable than ever! I do feel it's inevitable that you have to interact with technology and social media, but I think there's a balancing act to be done. That's something I'll be continuing to work on in 2015.

If you decide to give it a try, I'd love to know how people get on. Does anyone think they have a good balance between technology and life? 

Look after yourself and each other:)

xxxx

www.walkinmyshoes.ie  Link to the charity 'Walk in my Shoes' where you can find out more and make a donation. 

   

    

Just please have a read...

So I was sitting at the kitchen table, after a days study, when this familiar wave crept over me. Its started off slow, and then hit me like a ton of bricks. It wasn't an unusual feeling, I'd been here before. In the chest crushing, over whelming sense of the emotion this wave brought.

That wave, was loneliness.

Now please don't stop reading because you think this is going to be a really depressing post and for feck sake theres enough bad shit going on in the world, I dont need to be reading more of it! I get that feeling, honestly I do. It's the same thing thats been going through my head as the Irish Times puts up constant posts about homelessness on my Twitter feed, and I can't cope with the sadness of homelessness because my own home means so much to me and I couldn't bare to loose it. Not to mention the idea that you'd have no body in the world who'd want to look after you.

So I decided in order to cope with this over whelming sense of loneliness I was going to busy myself by cleaning my room. I was going to pull out all the drawers and clean them and dust everything and I was going to be so shattered tired after all that I wouldnt be able to be lonely, and wouldn't I have a great sense of achievement and then that'd be lonliness pushed aside for another night!

And then...

On my twitter feed...

Popped up this fella.....

And I realised, that tonight, yeah maybe I was going to clean out my whole room, and it'd be great.  But that I wasn't going to run away from what I felt. That loneliness was shit, but it was ok to feel it and I shouldn't have to hide it.

I started thinking as well about what Kevin says about how depression never goes away. Now my speciality so to speak isn't really depression, I do suffer with it, but I would class myself as suffering more with anxiety. But the same rings true for both illness', they don't go away, even when you recover.

In the media, and I think this is a perception I have enforced upon myself, it's ok to suffer with mental health, as long as you're on the road to recovery and you're not suffering right now. I say this is a self inflicted perception I  have because despite setting up this blog to communicate to the outside world what it was like to suffer from a mental illness, I haven't really said much about the day to day issues.  Ya know its ok to not be ok, just not right now.

Stigma. It's one of the biggest words around mental health. Even when I do outpatient programmes we talk about stigma. Society's stigma, self stigma, these are huge issues and I personally don't have answers for them. I self stigmatise A LOT.  Another stigma thats coming up is this idea of bringing people down when you talk about your mental issues, and this is where the idea of 'it's ok to not be ok, just not right now' comes into play.

I don't blame people. Its only natural to not want to hear sad things. About homelessness, about the economy, about how a loved one is feeling like shit yet again today. But this fear of bringing people down, or that people switch off when things we don't really want to hear about come up, is real. and its so damaging to people who suffer with mental health.

This fear of bringing people down just adds to the culture of silence about certain aspects about mental health. Mental health is such a hot topic, and for that I am so grateful. Its not lost on me that if I'd been born generations earlier I'd possibly of been sent to have a frontal lobotomy,  if I hadn't had such wonderful caring folks I could of ended up on drugs and if they're hadn't of been such awareness there would never of been such great work done around mental health and I might still not be here.

But we need to open the discussion further..

We need to say it's ok to talk about the day to day stuff. That people don't need to pay €150 an hour to have someone listen to their thoughts because they've got people in their day to day lives who even if they don't fully understand that they will listen anyways because it's ok to talk about these things.

It needs to be ok for me to write here:

I'M SO LONELY AND IT SUCKS!!

and not have people think I'm doing it for attention, because I'm not. And I don't want a friend who's a psychologist. I just want a friend who will come over and watch a dvd, who'll help me shop for my family's Christmas presents, who knows my favourite bar of chocolate and know not to offer it to me because I'm permanently on a diet! I want a friend who knows me and accepts me, who I can know and accept back.

Because I might not be the best fun in the world, but I'm an ok person, who'd like a friend. And if you stayed with me till here, thanks so much, it means an awful lot to me. *HUGS*

And thanks Kevin, for reminding me why I started this fight, and why I get up every day and fight some more.

Twitter!

  Hi Pretty people!


 Just another quick note....


If you would like to follow my ramblings but with less characters, you can now follow me on twitter!

                                                
                                                                                   @mentallybeauti1

                                                                 

                         

                             

October Favourites!!

    Hi pretty people!


 First of all, I'm soo sorry for the lack of posting, college has totally taken over my life! Also I have some really exciting news about a project I'm working on in regards to mental health with the college  that I can't wait to tell you about!:)


   But all about that later;)

   I don't know if it's just me, but October flew by. One minute it was the end of summer and college was starting and the next its almost Christmas(I know, I dropped the C bomb!) Madness!


                                  


   So with out further a due, here are the things I have been lavishing love on in the last month!


    Home made pop corn: I hadn't made this since my second year in college until recently and I loooove it! It's so much nicer than microwavable stuff, which always has that weird after taste that you cant get rid of.However, I recently discovered that 100g of unposed popcorn made with 125ml cooking oil has 559 calories!So I'm going to look into cooking it with rapeseed oil, as that's supposed to make it healthier!

                                             

 Yoga: I down loaded the 'Yoga Studio' app and it it brilliant! I find it so beneficial for the physical aspects of stress, such as tension knots and stiffness. The app has different levels, and is in 15 or 30 minute slots, meaning it doesn't take much time out of your day. I would say to everyone to give yoga a try, you feel so much better and it's wonderfully calming for the mind. Ooooohm...

                                       

 Walking: Bit of a boring one, but I have been walking home from college every day and trying to get in as much brisk walking as I can. I try to incorporate some jogging, in the hope that one day my walks will become jogs! I can't stress enough how good for you it is to get out in the fresh air and do some exercise, even for 10 or 15 minutes, especially for people who suffer with their mental health. Exercise has been scientifically proven to help reduce stress, improve the quality of your sleep and to help you develop more energy. And remember, no matter how slow you're going, you're still lapping everyone on the couch!


 Crepes: Oh.My.God. I discovered Gino's crepes in town and now I am just addicted! They're on O' Connell street and Gratfon street, and you can not walk by without wanting one!The crepes with filling are around the €5, meaning they're not cheap, but soo worth it! I'm going to try Lemon Jelly crepes which are supposed to be the nicest in Dublin.And now I really want one, dammit!


                                                     

     

 Soap and Glory Heel Genius foot cream: This cream is so light and soothing on the feet. After along day walking around town or home from college this cream/gel is just what my feet need. It has allantoin, glycerin, macadamia oil, menthol, and bilberry with fruit smoothers. I use this after my shower and I haven't needed to use my ped-egg once since I started using it. Feet are a lot less scary with this little gem!

                               

   My Diary: With the medication making my head a little fuzzy, and the million and one appointments with staff in college and at the hospital, and due dates for papers I really needed something I could write stuff down in and carry around in my hand bag and school bag(I feel about 12 saying that!) So my lovely mom found my this really cute diary and its been so useful:)

                                      

 Garner Body Intensive 7 Day Lotion for dry to Extra Dry Skin: I have seriously dry body skin. As in if I didn't moisturise after every shower my skin would start to peel and get so itchy and raw. Even things like emulsifying ointment wasn't enough, But since i have started to use this I haven't had any problems with my skin. It really does what it promises and is fast absorbing and doesn't have a strong smell. It's also not expensive and can be gotten in most grocery stores or Boots, and I even think I saw the big bottles in the €2 store, which are around €7 normally! I would have no hesitation recommending this and they do cater for other types of skin with in this range.

                                       

     American Horror Story: I only started watching this on Halloween, how appropriate, and already I'm onto season 2. I don't know if I'm going to like Asylum as much as the first series, probably because of the subject matter, but I have to say I'm still glued to it. Freaky as shit! 

                                                 

No. 7 Protect and Perfect Beauty Serum: I have just started using this again as it never does any harm to do a little extra when it comes to anti ageing, especially when my birthday is this month! I really love this product, even though it it very expensive (probably not be general serum standards, but it is for me), but Boots often do No.7 vouchers and they have recently brought out a new larger size of these serums. I use the Advanced version, while my mother uses the Intense, which is for older skin. This has made a huge difference to my skin, it's clearer and smoother and I will always keep this serum in my skin care regime. I also have another No.7 favourite but will be doing a separate post on that:)

                               

  So ladies, there are my October favourites! Are any of my favourites on your list too? What did you love in the month of October? As always I'd love to hear from people so leave any comments below! 

Thanks so much for reading:) xx

       

 

 

Update and review of Rimmel's 'Match Perfection' foundation.

      Hi Pretty people!



      So initially I wrote this big long post, detailing how my hospital stay is going, and how college is, and how my weight is and the new medication and just this big long rambling piece. But when I sat back and looked at it, it wasn't what I wanted to put out there as my first piece re starting (as I see it) the blog. It just all felt too much, and the time will come when it's right to write about all that, but with my release date pending, which I am delighted about, I just wanted a sense of normality in my life, all aspects of my life, including this blog. I feel with college being in its third week I won't be able to write as often as I would like, but this blog is very important to me and I want to keep it going.

However....

To everyone who sent me words of kindness, to people who got in touch over instagram, to the people in my every day life who supported me, encouraged me, listened to me  and reminded me why I keep fighting, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    So! How better to get back to normal than with a review! This review is of Rimmel's 'Match Perfection' foundation in the shade 010 Light Porcelain, which is the lightest shade, obviously I am a ghost! I had used this before and it was the first drugstore or chemist brand foundation that the shade was just perfect, but for some reason it went to the back of my drawer, only to be rediscovered when I went a bit paler at the end of summer. It retails at €9.95 for 30mls, comes in a glass bottle with a pump, but you can also unscrew the top which is handy to get the very last of it out, or if you pump out too much. The glass bottle is a bit heavy in my makeup bag, but I think companies do this now so you feel you are buying something substantial. It's along the same lines as getting something in a box; you always feel that it must be good if it's coming in it's own box. Or maybe that's just me. Moving swiftly along now!  


                                           

    There is a slightly pink undertone to the foundation, at least in this shade which I don't find a problem with my slightly pinker-than-I-would-like-them-to-be cheeks and as you can see from the picture below it is very pale. It has light to medium coverage, so would not be the best for covering very uneven pigmentation or acne, but you could try it after using a primer to target these problems. You do get a very flawless finish with the foundation, and it wears extremely well, even when I'm running around college and on public transport for the day! I've never even had to use a primer with this foundation, I always just apply it with my beauty blender after moisturiser.  It has an SPF of 18, which is not very high for us girls with pale skin, but I always feel with SPF some is better than none.
     

                                         

    Over all I would have no hesitation recommending this foundation. Considering the price of this foundation, it gives a wonderful, smooth even finish, has a huge range of shades and lasts all day. It does exactly what it says on the bottle, it matches perfectly! Has anyone tried the illuminating concealer from the same range? Or tried this foundation and not liked it? I'd love to hear people's opinions as always. I hope this review was helpful.

Thanks for reading!

xxx

Relapse 101

      Let me tell you abit about relapse. It sucks ass, it's evil, it slithers in on you, you ignore all the signs, brush them all away while trying to not put much though into them. You ignore that feeling that something is trying not only to squeeze you to death at night, but has placed a huge brick on your chest. These physical manifestations are your fears and emotions. I think anyways. For over the past month and a bit, (you'll notice yourself you won't be able to pin point the moment or even the day when your relapse started) I have been so wrapped up in preventing anything bad happening to me when I went back to college, I couldn't see that something bad was happening to me right now.

   Of course, like all situations you look back and see the signs so clearly. The constant emotional and physical symptoms of stress; my head hurting, my teeth hurting, pains in my neck and shoulders, my stomach in bits, sleeplessness, night visions, tears, eyes burning, all the shit that goes with this crap. I am not a great person without my sleep in the first place, but adding on all these, and I started to crumble.

  I kept thinking that it was simply everything to do with college, getting ready, moving my stuff, organising somewhere to live and registering and picking subjects, the pressure of final year and what would I do with my life afterwards. But then in the past two weeks the stress just became too much. I kept thinking 'I wish my head would just stop and give me a break' and 'I just want to go home', which made no sense as I was at home. But it's because the place you're meant to feel most at home in, most comfortable in is my head, and I was not feeling happy in there by any means. I also thought both these thoughts before I went to hospital in November 2013.

   Last week things started to go very much down hill. I didn't understand the point of things anymore and all I thought about were regrets and the things I hadn't achieved in life. I didn't fully understand that you could feel hopeless but not suicidal, but I do now. After breaking down to a good friend (you know who you are) I worked up the nerve to tell my family how bad I felt, and that I needed to get back in touch with the hospital, as all the tools I had had not worked and I was out of ideas of how to help myself. A big problem is this time, its not the anxiety, its a huge wave of depression. It may mean a change of medication to help stabilise my mood. I'm not used to dealing with this heavy level of depression, and have no tools to cope.

  Telling people you feel so bad is probably the scariest part of all, next to the admittance to hospital. It's almost like at the same time you are really admitting it to yourself you need help. Also I worried sick about how it would affect my family, could the cope with the stress of it all again? My baby brother is going into his final year in college, how would my admission affect him? Then there was college. I am supposed to be going back the 22nd of September, but I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this. I'm still registering and going ahead with all plans as normal, but I won't lie, in my darker moments I wonder will I ever finish this year, and if I do go back will I be able to get decent enough marks to finish my degree? I think sometimes people forget, even when you're past a rough time with your mental health, you still have to go back and try pick up the pieces of your life from where you left it.

   After a terrible weekend just past, during which I had to be left on my own for the day, I decided there was not much point in eating, which left my weak and I fell hitting my head but thankfully not needing stitches. At that stage I'd been in bed constantly and unable to get warm or motivate myself to do anything much, for five days. My family and friends have been wonderful and tried everything, but there comes a point where they know themselves you need professional help.  So this Wednesday I'm being re admitted, I'm not sure for how long.

 To be totally honest, I'd rather be curled up in my little 'cave' of blankets than writing this as I find it tough to put what I'm trying to say into words eloquently. But I needed to do this, to say relapse is ok, it happens, its shit, but it happens. I never planned to be back in hospital this year,  but I'm going to be and it's going to be ok. Reach out and please get help if you need it. There's no shame in it, in fact I think you need to be braver to ask for help than suffer. Actually, I know you do.

 I don't have internet in the ward in the hospital, but there is in some places, so I'll try keep in touch with the blog as much as possible. I'm going to bring in a small little computer with me, and write articles and try upload them when I have internet access. I hope people won't forget about the blog as I am so grateful to everyone who reads it. I would really appreciate if people could keep my family in their thoughts, prayers, chants what ever you're into, as where as I will get help and support, families don't always get the same level of support.

  So I guess this is it for a little while, I'm really nervous about going in, but I know its the right thing to do. I hope everyone out there is doing well.


  Love as always.
xxx

20 Things About Me Tag:)

Hi Pretty people!

   This tag needs no introduction, and instead of just having it as a quick post, I decided to extend it a little bit. Not, mind you because I am in anyway more interesting than the next person, but because I was afraid the blog was becoming a bit too much about reviews, and I didn't really want to go down that route too much.

   So without further a due!

      1: I'm studying for a degree modern sociology in university. I did a month of my final year last        year, but had to defer due to hospital. Really looking forward to going back this September, I love college and find some of the stuff I study really interesting:)

       2: I adore animals! I have three cats, blackie, pete and felix; who's the only female, who, ahem, relocated from our neighbour's several years ago, cough! I also foster cats, and at the moment I have the wonderful Molly. At one point there was six cats and three kittens in our garden! I seem to spend my life covered in cat hair and scratches! I also have a dog, she's a Japanese Spitz and her name is Sama (the Japanese for lady), but she also goes by sam, samwise, sandwich, samy, baby, oi you and my favourite, fluffy arse. She's totally the baby of the house, is very much always in the middle of things and loves going for a walk!

         3: I like piercings, but love tattoos! I have my navel, tongue, snakebites, septum, micro dermal in my neck, tragus, cartilage and ears pierced. I have my ears stretched to 6mm or 2 gauge, which I know a lot of people disagree with, but I am sensitive to cheap metal in my ears and hated not wearing earring so I stretched my ears up and don't intend to go any bigger. I have about 12/13 tattoos, and my next session will be finishing off my half sleeve, hopefully this week, it was supposed to be last week but was sick with the flu last week:( I'm planning to do a blog post on tattoos with the help of my tattoo artist Eric, from Freedom Ink, and Gentleman Jay a very good friend of mine who's also a tattoo artist, so if anyone has any questions they'd like me to ask just comment below or on my Instagram! I have to say I think piercings and tattoos on the opposite sex extremely attractive too!:)

                                               

   

         4: I left school just as I was about to turn 16 due to a terrible bout of anxiety and depression. Eventually I started to work and have worked in a pizza place, hairdressers, retail, call centre, clothes boutique and eventually decided to go back and do my final exams before college and happily moved on to college:) The crappy jobs that I did before I went back to education are the drive behind me working at college when I really don't want to be there. Sometimes half the battle behind figuring out what you want to do, is finding what you really don't want to do. Even though everyone I knew from school has moved on, and I'm older than a lot of students I study with, I'm glad I waited to go to college, I know a lot more about myself and what I want out of life than I did when I was 18.

       5: I have a very negative body image. I don't like looking at my face and body and thats why I hardly ever put pictures up here of my full face or body, this is also why I find it hard to post face of the day or outfit of the day pictures. It mostly comes back to a very low self esteem due to incidents from my past, and I'll be working through that now my team have identified it. I'm also trying to loose the stone I put on on hospital and finally get in control of my weight, once and for all. But I'll be doing another post on that exclusively. I also photograph very badly and don't turn to in pictures like I actually look like! So please bare with me if I don't a lot of face of the day makeup! 

     6: I love reading. I have hardly any time during the college year to read books, so I don't read half as much as I should anymore. I love the way you can loose yourself in a good book, figure out how the characters look in your head and become totally absorbed in the story and their lives. Two of the best books I have read over the summer are 'The Adulteress' and 'Unravelling Oliver', they are definitely worth a read, because they're human stories. I suppose what I mean by that is they deal with ordinary people and how what happens to their lives makes them into different people. Also you have a preconceived idea of what you instantly think of the main character, but you find yourself challenging that when you read their stories, or at the least partially understanding their actions. 

                                 

       7: I love to write! Ok I don't know if you can count that as a fact, since you probably already know that by the fact I'm writing a blog. When I was younger though I wrote short stories and poems (yes I was that sort of teenager!) and through out most of my life have kept a written journal. I don't write stories or poetry any more, but I love writing my journal as its a great outlet for me and helps me to de stress and get things off my chest. I have to have my diaries in an A5 size, spiral bound, lined and have something cool on the cover, like hello kitty or something!  I think the blog is a great way to connect with people who  are like you and interested in the same things, and I have met some lovely people through it:) I suppose it's my way of putting my life out there too, and I do love writing about beauty, especially about affordable products, as I think some blogs are very high end product focus, and not everyone has the money for it:/ The mental health side of the blog is my way of accepting my own mental health, help other people to understand what the reality of struggling with your mental health is like, especially when you're in your 20's and reminding people whom have their own issues that they're not alone. A big part of it as well is I want to show that people who suffer with their mental health have everyday lives, problems and interests too. 

                                      

     8: I am really short with tiny hands and feet! I am 4'11, with a size UK2 foot or E.U. 34/35.  I hate trying to find trousers that fit or shoes for going out, its impossible! I have a bit of weight on me and a lot of the petite ranges don't seem to have size 10/12 left:( People think it's great because I can buy kids shoes, but when it comes to going out shoes I wind up having to look in specialists shops which means spending a fortune.  My mam and dad are quite short, though both over 5 foot, but my brother is very tall so he clearly got all the height! It has its uses and generally makes people think I'm younger than I am!

   9: From the ages of 12-14 I lived in Budapest in Hungary. My dad works with aircraft so he travels a lot, but this time we all moved with him. We went to an english speaking private school, as there was no way we could of learnt Hungarian! While we were there we visited Austria, Croatia, Czech Republic, Slovakia and Slovenia. Budapest is beautiful city and the Christmas markets are well worth a visit. 

                                                   

    10: I am terrified, terrified of flying! If there was a word that was 'more frightened' than terrified I'd used that word too. I was always quite scared of flying, which was a pain when we lived abroad, but in the last ten years I haven't flown and I feel sick with fear if I go near the airport! Having previously been in a long distance relationship, it is very restrictive and I am determined to do something about it after college. EasyJet have a programme for people who are terrified of flying which I am hoping to complete, has anyone else every done this programme or any other one? I think its the idea of being in an enclosed space and if someone got air sick around me, but I'm not fully sure what I'm frightened of, but I am determined to beat it!

                                         

    11: I have had my teddy, aptly named Teddy, since Santa brought him when I was seven and he still sleeps in my bed every night. I bring him everywhere I am going to be staying for a while, including college, holidays and hospital! He came from Pennys I discovered later, and is looking a bit worse for wear after several washes and many many years of cuddles! He's the only soft toy I won't let my pets play with and he always sits near my pillows. So sad I know, but it's a comfort thing and he reminds me of home. I love ya teddy!

    

                                                            

      12: Since I've been in hospital I really believe in the saying 'Clean room, clean mind' which basically means that if you're in a neat environment that it will help with how you deal with things when you're having problems. Maybe it's to do with having your room or home in order when you're mind isn't, or being in control of your surroundings when you're not really in control of whats going on in your head. I was never really too pushed before about having things neat, but since I have been home from hospital I find I sleep and think better in a clean tidy room. Or maybe I'm getting old. Actually its probably that! 

      

                                        

     13: I have no interests in brands. I'm much happier to get two items cheaply with no brand name, then get one with a brand name on it. I prefer to judge something on the basis of weather it does the job its supposed to. My Micheal Korres watch was €20 from a stall and the most brand like bag I have ever owned if from River Island. Saying that, I do have a Pandora with only real charms, and I'd love a Chanel quilted handbag! When it comes to makeup though, I can be a bit more of a brand snob, so far the best eye shadows I've found are M.A.C. but I have no objection to buying cheaper stuff if I find it works! The most expensive item in my make up collection is the Benefit Oxygen Wow foundation, which was €35 approx. As a rule I'm not a fan of Benefit, I think it's waaay over priced!

     14: I am surgically attached to my i-phone and I must change! I actually sleep with it charging under my pillow, but I have a good reason for that! I suffer with tinitus, which means I have a ringing or buzzing in my ears all the time, and it's particularly noticeable when there is no other noise around, so I use the rain apps or youtube videos to help me sleep. But I am terrible for always having my head in my phone, I hardly ever use it for calls, but I text a lot and live on instagram. I really have to stop!!

              

                                       

  15: I have incredibly pale skin,my body is pure white and I don't tan I burn. My skin is so pale that when I wear fake tan, which is seriously rare, I just look weird and dirty! It's very difficult to find a pale foundation pale enough unless you go for something higher end, but I have found recently that brands are getting better, I have two different formulations from Rimmel in Ivory and I have to say they're very good colour wise. I might do a blog post on paler foundations if anyone is interested? I recently purchased a white foundation to mix with mine from Makeup Revolution so I'll let you know how I get on with that. A good white foundation that isn't high end can be difficult to find but this cost me about €4! 

   16: I suffer really badly with home sickness, and miss my family tons! In the first year of college I decided I couldn't cope with the home sickness and was going home! I think in college it's something everyone goes through, even if they don't admit it. But in general I am not great at being away from home, and I have to text or talk to my mom every day, I still miss my dad and brother, but they drive me mad! I used to try get the dog on Skype and the phone, which didn't really work out!

                                    

    17: I hate Christmas. I know, I know, people are going to be like 'You're such a scrooge', but Christmas is a very hard time for me. For the last few years its been fairly crap, people were sick, my dad was away working in Abu Dhabi, family arguments, stupid stuff like that, but it affects how I feel about Christmas. I used to think I was a minority until I was in hospital last year, and a lot of people seem to hate Christmas! I came home Christmas eve from the hospital and had Christmas eve and day with my family and had to go back to hospital St Steven's day, the whole thing was a bit of a blur. I remember my mam making this special tree especially for me (I'll post a picture below), and watching Despicable Me 2. I was still going through withdrawals at that stage so dinner was not a big thing for me. But I dislike Christmas because it starts now before Halloween in the shops and by the time December comes around I just feel meh! I dislike it as well because I don't get that Christmassy feeling anymore, and I wish I could get it back, and it sucks so badly that I can't, and I feel I'm missing out on something wonderful that everyone else gets but me. In my home house my mom loves Christmas and goes to so much trouble, but she's the only person like that in our house. I don't know, maybe Christmas will improve for me and I'll develop happier memories.  In the mean time the wonderful tree my mom made, even though this picture makes me quite emotional..

                                      

  18: Moving on! I'm quite good at interior design. I can't do the drawings or room plans but I know what looks good together, I have a good eye for things like colour and pattern and I can visualise a room quite well before its even put together. I seriously thought about studying it at college but I wouldn't of enjoyed having to draw up room plans and mood boards and work with fussy people with no taste!

   19: I have had four operations in my life time. One to remove a growth from my wrist, one to remove a really large absess from my right jaw, one to sew up fissures and one to cut the nerves that cause period pains! After the one on my jaw they didn't sew the face up properly so the right side of my face looks a little slanted I think, especially around my mouth:( I have scars from all the operations, but luckily none of them are majorly visible.

   20: I'm not afraid of needles, but every time I get my blood taken I get really weak and pass out! The first time it happened to me was outside the doctor's office and a really nice old man told me it was a sign of being a really nice person:)

                                           

  So there is my 20 things about me! I hope it was a bit fun to read and learn more about me as a person. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read it as I know it's a bit long, if anyone has any questions or comments please feel free to leave them below! 

  xxxxx